


How Can I Change the Story?

by PSILoveYou



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anger Outburst, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Break Up, Fighting, Jared Kleinman Tries, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pining, Self-Harm, Treebros, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-07-27 08:53:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16215665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PSILoveYou/pseuds/PSILoveYou
Summary: “What the fuck, Evan?”Evan presses his lips together nervously, “I can explain…” he starts tugging at the hem of his shirt“Please do. Explain to me why the fuck you skipped your therapy appointment.” his voice starts rising as he gets more upset----Evan and Connor get into a fight and Connor says some things he can't take back.





	1. All The Words That I Can't Take Back

“What the fuck, Evan?” 

 

Evan looks up at his boyfriend in confusion as he pours hot water from the kettle into two mugs. One of them is from Ellison State Park, and the other from the hospital his mom works at. What kind of a hospital sells mugs. Like,  _ We’re sorry your grandfather didn’t make it through the surgery, but please, make sure to buy one of our mugs on the way out _ .

 

Evan shakes the ridiculous thought from his head as he focuses on Connor, “W-What’s wrong?”

 

“Don’t play that shit with me,” he growls

 

Evan flinches at his tone, setting the tea kettle down and frowns, “I- I don’t understand,”

 

Connor holds up his phone, showing a text message conversation to Evan but he can’t read it from the other side of the counter so he just looks back at Connor.

 

“Your mom’s wondering where you are. She said your therapist called.” He sets the phone down on the counter, giving Evan a hard look

 

Evan presses his lips together nervously, “I can explain…” he starts tugging at the hem of his shirt

 

“Please do. Explain to me why the fuck you skipped your therapy appointment.” his voice starts rising as he gets more upset

 

“Conn-” Evan starts but Connor isn’t done

 

“This is important, Evan! Don’t you want to get better?” For a second, it seems Connor’s expression almost softens but then he goes back to his furious demeanor like it never happened

 

Evan digs his nails into his arms,“I hate it!” he blurts out, “I hate going to therapy and I hate the stupid letters that I have to write-”

 

“Oh, shut up. You’re lucky you even get to  _ go  _ to therapy, you fucking brat. My parents won’t let me!” he slaps a hand down onto the counter

 

Evan freezes, realizing how it sounded, “That’s not- I didn’t mean-”

 

“That’s exactly what you meant!” he yells

 

“I just want to be normal!” Evan protests

 

“Yeah, well tough shit, Evan! You’re not normal! You’re never going to get better because you don’t even fucking try-”

 

“I do try!” Evan cries, breathing faster

 

“No, you don’t! It’s like you’re just fucking content at being this shaking mess all the time who can’t even talk to people or make friends, or-”

 

Evan takes a step backwards. 

 

“Stop-” he gasps out, clutching the front of his shirt

 

“Why? It’s true. You can’t even order food by yourself or stand in front of the class. That’s not normal, Evan!” he can’t stop the words coming out now, he’s trying but part of him doesn’t want to stop. Part of him is so angry...

 

“Connor, stop,” he covers his ears but Connor’s yelling is so loud, he can still hear every word

 

“You can’t even handle yourself. You’ll have a panic attack if you’re left alone for ten minutes. It’s pathetic!,”

 

Tears are running down Evan’s face and he’s trying hard to breathe. Connor pauses to look at him and he realizes what he just said.

 

“Oh, Ev…” his voice softens

 

He didn’t mean any of it. He was just so mad that he was voicing Evan’s insecurities. 

 

He knows he has crossed a very thick line.

 

Evan’s staring up at him, sobbing and shaking,

 

“We’re done.” he whispers after a moment with the small amount of air in his lungs  

 

This catches Connor off-guard.

 

“What?”

 

“We’re done. It’s over,” 

 

“Evan…” his voice cracks, “Wait, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things. They’re not true. I was just angry and I lost control-”

 

“I am trying  _ so _ hard,” he screams through his tears, “every second of every day! I-I work myself to exhaustion trying to be better!”

 

He’s panicking, Connor can tell, but he’s defending himself too...

 

“I know, Evan, you’re doing really well,”

 

Evan shakes his head, “No,” he says quietly and makes his way to the stairs, “I need to- I’m going to take a shower,”

 

Connor doesn’t say a word as he watches Evan climb the stairs. He wants to help Evan calm down. He looks so scared. He’s having a panic attack. Those were Connor’s job to help him with.

 

As soon as Evan’s out of sight, Connor can’t hold back his tears.

 

He just hurt the one good thing in his life. Evan was all he had. He gave Connor everything and Connor just took it for granted. 

 

And now he’s gone.

 

Because Connor is the one not getting better. Connor is the one who snapped and had an anger-outburst. He was supposed to be working on that, but clearly, he’s not improving. And he just took it all out on Evan.

 

Connor sits down on the couch, pulling at his hair as he sobs. Evan hadn’t made him leave the house, so maybe when he gets out of the shower, Connor can still fix this.

 

He tries to plan out what to say. Anything. He’d say anything. He just needs Evan.

 

Evan turns on the shower water slowly and rolls up the sleeves of his hoodie, revealing all of his scars. He opens the cabinet below the sink, rummaging around until he finds a small bag hidden in the back. Evan unzips it and pulls out one of the razors before putting the bag back in his hiding spot.

 

He steps into the shower, still fully clothed and drops to his knees. The water quickly soaks through his jeans and hoodie but he’s too broken right now to care.

 

Connor was the one person who believed in him. Turns out that was a lie.

 

Evan digs the razor into his arm, making the first cut. It’s deeper than usual and the blood drips down onto his legs, staining his pants.

 

Even Connor thinks he’s pathetic.

 

He makes another cut adjacent to the first, letting out a soft whimper.

 

Connor doesn’t love him. He only dated him because he felt sorry for him.

 

Another cut.

 

Evan squeezes his eyes shut, taking a few minutes to just cry. Why did Evan have to ruin everything?

 

More. He needs to cut more.

 

So Evan moves onto his other arm, and his mind floods him with flashbacks of the fight just now as he drags the razor across his skin.

 

Then there’s a knock on the door, “Ev?” It’s Connor. What is he still doing here? “Is everything okay? You’ve been in there for a while.”

 

So? Why does he care? Evan’s so fucked-up and Connor knows it. Why is he staying? Evan told him it’s over. 

 

The thought makes him cry a little harder.

 

“G-go away,” he says in a small voice, “I’m, I’m fine,”

 

He’s met with silence. Evan waits a few more moments before deciding it’s safe to continue.

 

He makes another cut, letting out another whimper.

 

“Evan?” Connor’s still right outside the door. Dammit. “What’s going on?”

 

“ _ Nothing! _ ” 

 

He can’t wait for Connor to leave so he cuts again. He tries to suppress the whimper but it slips out.

 

“Evan?” Connor’s voice is full of panic, he knocks on the door frantically, “Please, Ev, I’m worried, come out here.”

 

“Just go away!”

 

He looks back down at his arms. There’s red everywhere. It’s all Evan can see. He starts getting dizzy and he slouches against the shower wall.

 

He hears Connor trying to open the door but Evan had made sure to lock it.

 

Then there’s silence again. Evan doesn’t really care if Connor’s still there or not anymore. He just needs this.

 

He makes more cuts, letting out more sounds of pain. There’s no response from Connor so Evan continues.

 

“Evan!” Connor’s voice returns, “I have the key. You either let me in right now or I’m going to unlock the door.”

 

Evan starts panicking. 

 

No. No. No. No.

 

“No!”

 

“ _ Now,  _ Evan!”

 

“No!”

 

He hears the key go into the lock and it’s turning. Evan crawls to the far shower corner, curling up and trying to hide his arms from Connor.

 

Connor bursts into the bathroom, looking down at a shaking Evan in the shower. At first, he sees nothing wrong, other than the fact that Evan has his clothes on in the shower and the water’s on.

 

But then he notices the water mixing with something red. Blood. He looks at Evan and his clothes, they’re covered in red too, especially his arms.

 

Connor rushes into the shower, crouching down in front of Evan and cupping his face gently, “Evan, what did you do?”

 

Evan doesn’t respond, but he holds his arms closer to his chest protectively.

 

Connor’s heart stops, realizing where the blood is coming from, “Evan, let me see your arms,” he demands

 

“N-No,” Evan tries to scoot back but there’s nowhere to go, he’s already backed up against the wall.

 

Connor yanks Evan’s arms out, making him cry out in pain. He lets out a gasp, looking at his ex-lover’s arms.

 

“O-Oh, god...Evan...”

 

Connor’s shaking now too.

 

“...Where’s the razor?”

 

Evan doesn’t answer but he doesn’t have to. One of his hands is closed around something tightly. Connor tries to pry it away as gently as possible but Evan’s grip is strong.

 

Connor eventually get it out of his hand, after Evan makes a noise of protest.

 

“Is this the only one?”

 

“Y-yes!” he lies as black spots blur his vision

 

Evan’s no longer sure what’s going on. His world slips away, leaving him stuck somewhere in the middle of reality and nothingness. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he feels somebody grip him tightly and at one point, his cuts sting slightly more before returning back to the typical pain. He feels something wrap around his arms tightly.

 

When he can finally process what’s going on, he’s lying in his bed, both arms wrapped in bandages and somebody holding him close. He knows it Connor without even having to look.

 

It’s so familiar, the feel of his arms around Evan’s waist, the warm breath against the back of his neck, how he slips a leg between Evan’s. He’s safe.

 

“Are you awake?” Connor asks in a shattered voice

 

Evan doesn’t answer for a moment.

 

Nothing’s changed, it’s still over. Evan’s still dying inside because Connor broke something that’s unable to be fixed.

 

“You should go,” Evan whispers

 

Connor tenses but nods. Evan doesn’t want to be around him. Connor ruined that. He just wants to erase what just happened from Evan’s mind, to rewrite what was permanently written in the smaller boy’s head. But he can’t.

 

There’s no going back from this. Ever.

 

He lets go of Evan and sits up. Evan stays lying down on his side, facing away from Connor.

 

_ What is he thinking right now? _

 

[ _ Connor _ ]:  _ I need you to come over to Evan’s house _

_ [Jared]: what? Why? _

_ [Connor]: because I can’t be there for him anymore _

_ [Jared]: what did you do? _

_ [Jared]: you psycho _

_ [Jared]: what happened???? _

 

Connor hates how Jared immediately assumes that he hurt him. But then again, he’s right.

 

_ [Connor]: just come, please. He needs somebody right now. _

_ [Jared]: omw _

 

He meets Jared at the door fifteen minutes later. Evan still didn’t move when the doorbell rang so Connor just left him up there, hoping he’d remain safe in the few minutes he’d be left alone.

 

“What’s going on?” Jared asks accusingly as soon as Connor opens the door

 

Connor shoulders his way out of Evan’s house, “Just take care of him,” 

 

Jared looks back at him, confused but Connor doesn’t turn back. He gets in his car, leaving Evan in Jared’s hands. It’s probably better that way.


	2. Good For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more angst. Oh, and pining. There's going to be a lot more of that from here on out.  
> tw: mentions of self harm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm back with another chapter! I'm turning this into a multi-chaptered fic at your guys's request. Thank you so much for all the positive feedback on the last chapter! Also, sorry this took so long.

Jared frowns as he watches Connor leave. He stands there in the doorway until the car is out of view and his mind snaps back to reality.

 

_ Evan. _

 

_ What could be so bad that Connor had to call Jared? Wait, why was  _ he  _ the one who got called? Why did Connor leave? Is Evan okay? Did he hurt Evan? _

 

Jared increases his speed up the stairs and bursts through the door. 

 

Evan’s lying on his side, facing away from Jared. He doesn’t turn around as he comes in.

 

“Get, get a-away from me, Connor,” he says with a trembling voice that makes it clear he doesn’t mean it

 

Jared’s eyebrows knit together and he walks around to Evan’s side of the bed, sitting down on the edge of the mattress. 

 

“Ev,” he says softly, “It’s me,”

 

Jared puts a delicate hand on Evan’s thigh but Evan flinches. Jared retracts his hand immediately. 

 

_ What had Connor done? _

 

“Did that psycho hurt you?” Jared seethes

 

His gut clenches as he waits desperately for an answer. Tears start dripping down the side of Evan’s face.

 

_ He did. He did. He did. He hurt him. He fucking hurt Evan. _

 

But Evan shakes his head no and Jared lets out a relieved breath. 

 

_ Thank God _ . 

 

Well, Jared doesn’t believe in God that much. It’s not like he hates being Jewish, though he did let out a  laugh during that Holocaust presentation…

 

He shakes the thought from his head, refocusing on Evan. Sometimes Jared’s mind does this when he’s stressed. He starts thinking about anything else other than the situation at hand as a way to deal with what’s going on.

 

“What happened?” he asks in a hushed voice

 

He pulls Evan into his arms, holding him as he cries, because it’s a known fact that Evan loves being held. Jared hates the fact that every time he holds him, he feels a rush of warmth and electricity course through his body. He loves holding him, but he also knows it doesn’t mean anything. Evan’s world revolves around Connor. Jared was just a friend to him. Nothing more.

  
  


Evan doesn’t respond for a moment and just as Jared starts to think that he’s not going to, he hears Evan’s quiet voice.

 

“H-he, um, he didn’t h-hurt me or anything,” he says, too hesitant for Jared not to question that, “B-but, it’s just, um, well, h-he found out t-that, um, I-I skipped my, my therapy appointment…”

 

Evan pauses for a second. Jared thinks it’s because he’s waiting for a reaction from him, an angry one. But Jared’s not  _ angry _ at this, more disappointed though he doesn’t let it show. Evan doesn’t need that right now. When Jared doesn’t say anything, Evan takes it as a signal that it’s okay to continue. 

 

_ God, he’s being so cautious with me. _

 

“...and he, well, uh, he kind of got, he got really angry and said some things,I guess,”

 

Jared can’t hold it back anymore, “What the fuck did he say to you?” he demands

 

There was another few moments of silence but now Jared knows he’s just working up the courage to talk.

 

Evan sucks in a deep, shaking breath. The rest of him is shaking badly too, like a leaf, Jared thinks.

 

“H-he, he said, he said that, that I was never, um,” he’s cut off by another sob, “t-that I was never g-going to get a-any b-b-better a-and that it was p-pathetic,”

 

Jared holds him tighter as the pit of fury in his stomach becomes even hotter. He has a feeling there was more, but Jared wasn’t going to push him.

 

_ How dare he. Fucking monster. _

 

“J-Jared?” Evan questions nervously

 

He realizes he’s been holding Evan in a cruel grip without even meaning to. He loosens his hands apologetically.

 

“You can’t just...you can’t let him treat you like this whenever he gets upset. It’s not okay,” Jared says firmly

 

Jared wants to remind him how evil that son of a bitch is and tell him how much he hates him but he doubts Evan wants to hear that.

 

“I-I, but I deserved it,”

 

Jared takes Evan’s chin, forcing him to look at him as he gives him a hard stare, “Evan, shut up. No, you didn’t,”

 

Evan looks at him with his big eyes, “I...I b-broke up w-with him,” he says before the sentence makes him start crying even harder

 

Jared’s eyes widen in shock.

 

_ Wait, he  _ what _? _

 

Jared never thought Evan would get rid of that guy. He wished it everyday but he never thought it’d actually happen. Finally. God, he’s so grateful right now for that.

 

Evan’s sobbing snaps him out of the party in his head.

 

_ Shit. _

 

“I want h-him to come back,” he cries, “I need him back!”

 

Jared’s heart sinks at his words. He sounds like he’s begging Jared for it, and Jared might just want to give it to him if he could, just to end this pain he’s in.

 

He rocks Evan gently, “You did the right thing.” he reassures, “He wasn’t good for you. I’ve been wanting you to dump his trashy ass since the beginning, you deserve so much better.”

 

Evan just shakes his head, “I hate myself,” he whispers

 

Jared wants to tell him that that’s not true, that he’s just upset, but he knows Evan means it. He knows how Evan feels about himself.

 

Then Jared remembers something his mom told him privately.

 

“Ev...roll up your sleeves for me,” he says carefully

 

“No!” Evan cradles his arms to his chest

 

His heart beats faster, realizing why he’s probably not showing him, “Dammit, Evan,  _ please _ .”

 

Jared remembers when his mom sat him down last year to talk about Evan. This wasn’t the first time this has happened. She’s done this once before when he was a kid to explain to him about Evan having an anxiety disorder. She told him not to be mean to him or anything but Jared always found himself verbally jabbing Evan anyway, as a way to hide his crush.

 

When she sat him down the second time, she had already been rewarding him for awhile for being nice to Evan, though Jared knew he didn’t deserve it since he really wasn’t.

 

His mom started saying how Heidi recently told her that Evan’s been cutting himself. Jared still remembers how his heart stopped and his blood ran cold at her words. 

 

Apparently Evan had already been doing it for awhile. She told Jared so he would be more gentle with Evan, both physically and emotionally.

 

But one day, Jared somehow managed to forget about this and he was play-fighting Evan on the bed. Jared had pinned Evan’s arms down and Evan screamed in pain. He curled up, cradling his arms, almost exactly the way Evan is doing now. Jared had froze in fear, knowing what was wrong, but he couldn’t say anything since he wasn’t even supposed to know about this. Instead, he pretended everything was okay and said that Evan needed to grow up. Evan left his house and went home. Jared had never understood the need to harm himself as much as he did in that moment.

 

Jared takes Evan’s arms, rolling up the sleeves to find bandages wrapping his entire arms up to his elbows. 

 

His eyes sting.

 

“Oh, Ev…”

 

Evan doesn’t respond.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I love hearing your feedback.  
> Also, side note, for those who haven't read the novel yet, Jared actually did laugh during a Holocaust presentation...yeah...dammit, Jared


	3. The Boat Is About To Sink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared's a little shit.  
> fast-paced chapter so apologies for that but its like that for a reason  
> nobody's talking about the fact that evan cut which isn't healthy for him at all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is days late, I know. I'm so sorry. I got roped into going on a school camping trip literally the night before the trip. also, I had to take out a lot of plot because I realized the characters wouldn't be able to handle it.

Evan’s alarm goes off all too soon the next morning. He almost doesn’t have the will to get up but there’s a math test today and he’d miss so much work, it wouldn’t be worth it to skip. It’s not that he even particularly cares about his grades at the moments but he knows he’s going to regret it later. Somehow, he’s still able to think ahead, even though it feels like he just doesn’t want to wake up today.

He groans, reaching to shut off the alarm. The other side of the bed is empty, Jared must’ve left while he was sleeping, which is unsurprising considering it was a school night and Jared didn’t even have a reason to be there in the first place. He’s well aware of the fact that Jared only hangs out with him because his parents pay him, but sometimes, especially yesterday, Evan likes to think that Jared might truly be a friend. He’s always proven wrong though.

He pulls on a hoodie, Connor’s, he realizes. It even still smells like him: mint from the gum he always chews and a hint of weed.

Evan doesn’t bother with a shirt or even zipping up the hoodie completely. At least he’s getting dressed. It almost seemed like too difficult a task. He grabs a pair of jeans from the ground. He’d tried them on yesterday but then dumped them on the floor after declaring them too skinny. Whatever, he doesn’t care what he looks like.

He looks in the mirror quickly. His hair’s a disaster, sticking up at every possible angle, and his eyes are somehow still puffy from last night. Oh well.

Evan hitches his backpack onto his shoulder. He didn’t do any of his homework last night but it’s not like he has any time to do it now, if he would even be able to bring himself to do it anyway. Odds are, he wouldn’t.

 

He keeps his head down in the school halls, pressing himself close to his locker as he gets his books for first period.

He sees someone approach him out of the corner of his eye.

“Evan!,” they call out in a cheery voice. It’s Jared.

He doesn’t look at the shorter boy even when he stops right next to him.

“You look like shit,” Jared laughs

Evan frowns.

Is he just pretending like nothing happened? Like he didn’t see the cuts on my arms or that he didn’t hold me for hours while I cried last night? Of course. Just when Evan started to hope again that they were really friends…It happens every time.

Jared doesn’t fucking care about you, freak. Nobody does. Not him, not mom, not Connor. Nobody wants you.

“Evan? Hello?” Jared’s voice brings him back to reality.

He blushes sheepishly, “Sorry,” he whispers

Jared looks him up and down while Evan squirms under his gaze. The shorter boy sighs.

“Dude, c’mere.” 

Before he knows what’s happening, Jared pulls him into a hug. Evan’s arms get pinned against his chest, having not had enough time to react.

Evan glances around the hallway from over Jared’s shoulder. Waves of people travel through the halls to unpack and talk to their friends before class starts.

Then Connor appears, looking even worse than Evan.

He storms down the hall and people part a path for him out of fear. Evan can’t blame them. He looks terrifying. His hair is a rat’s nest and he’s scowling at anyone who comes too close. Evan notices his eyes are red and bloodshot. He’s been smoking...Shit. It’s never good when he smokes.

For a moment he and Evan lock eyes, and Connor’s expression softens in that way it does only when he’s looking at Evan. He goes from the school bully to helpless in the blink of an eye. 

But the moment ends and Connor’s mask is back on. He turns away from Evan, shouldering past a kid who is in his way to get to his locker.

Jared pulls away, ending their hug, not realizing Evan hadn’t been paying any attention to him.

“Look, my mom wants me to invite you over this week.” Jared says, the corner of his mouth quirking up friendly

“Oh,” he says softly

Evan looks back at Connor. It’s impossible to look away from him. Jared seems to notice this after following his line of sight and his whole demeanor changes.

“So can you just tell your mom to tell my mom that you’re busy? I don’t want to hang out with you no offense, you’re just kind of...annoying,” he spits

Evan whips his head back to Jared as his heart breaks for the second time in less than twenty four hours. He feels his body tense up nervously.

“Oh,” Evan repeats, his voice cracking

“Yeah,” Jared claps him on the shoulder before walking away.

 

Jared feels sick at how hurt Evan looks. 

He’d just gotten so frustrated that he was paying attention to Connor and not him, the words just flew out of his mouth.

 

Evan’s eyes widen and he looks like a kicked puppy. 

And you wonder why Evan’s always so fucking nervous around you, you asshole.

He walks away before he can cause any more harm.

Why are you always so fucking mean to him? He’s literally never even done anything wrong. Of course he was looking at Connor! That’s his ex-boyfriend. They just broke up last night and he hurt himself over it! Jesus, Kleinman. What the fuck is wrong with you?

 

Jared tries not to speak to Evan the rest of the week. The other boy doesn’t say a word to him in return. He tries to give him the space to recover from the breakup but Evan doesn’t seem to be getting any better. Maybe he needs a friend. Or, well, family friend.

It’s raining like hell on friday and Jared is soaking wet and shivering from the walk to school as he approaches Evan’s locker.

Evan hasn’t noticed him yet, he’s just staring blankly into his locker. He’s not even fidgeting, he’s just...lost in his head.

“Evan?” Jared asks hesitantly, unsure if the other boy even wants to see him but Evan doesn’t even respond

He’s close enough that he can see the light dusting of freckles on Evan’s cheeks. Evan hates them, but Jared wants to pull him in and kiss every one of them. But that’s Connor’s job- was Connor’s job. Jared used to try to count them whenever Evan was looking away but he gave up on that long ago.

He remembers how one year, Evan started wearing concealer to cover them up. Jared was so devastated, he started teasing Evan about wearing makeup so bad, that he eventually stopped wearing it. It was a bad method but it was for the good of the world to be able to see Evan Hansen’s adorable freckles.

Jared snaps himself out of his train of thought and gives Evan a little nudge, “Ev?” he asks again.

This time, Evan jumps in surprise, just noticing Jared standing there.

“O-Oh,” he smiles timidly -Jared’s obsessed with that smile-, “H-Hi, hi, um…” he lets out a nervous breath of air.

Evan starts fidgeting with the hem of his sweatshirt. He’s been wearing the same one all week. 

It’s Connor’s.

Okay, no. No way.

Jared is not going to continue letting him wear his ex-boyfriend’s hoodie. He needs to do something about this. He’s seen the way the two of them have been looking at each other all week when they think the other isn’t noticing. The heartbreak visible in their eyes. 

It’s only a matter of time before they get back together and Jared is not going to let that happen.

“So, Connor went up to me,” Jared starts slowly.

He cringes internally at how Evan’s eyes light up with hope.

“...He wants his hoodie back.” he lies, watching the other boy’s reaction

It’s like a star going out, the way Evan shatters. His eyes turn glassy and he tries to make his body smaller. It takes a moment for him to do anything before he brings a shaky hand to he zipper and starts unzipping it.

Luckily, Evan’s wearing a shirt underneath it today, and it’s long-sleeved so his cuts don’t show. The first few days he had nothing else on under the hoodie and hadn’t even bothered to zip that all the way. His collarbone was showing and Jared had been staring at it all day.

“He wanted me to give it to him,” Jared takes to hoodie out of Evan’s hands as Evan nods and ducks his head.

“O-Okay,” he says in a wet voice

Jared takes that as his cue to leave.

He looks around the halls for Connor but he doesn’t end up seeing him until fifth period. He was probably ditching and getting high, considering how red his eyes are when Jared approaches him.

“Hey, psycho,” Jared greets

Connor turns around to face him, towering over the shorter boy. He smells awful, like weed and body odor. Jesus, has he showered recently?

“What the fuck do you want?” he asks lowly and intimidating.

Not that Jared would ever admit to it, but he’s secretly very afraid of Connor Murphy, just like the rest of the school. Evan used to be too. He’s not sure exactly what happened, but one day the blonde was flinching away from the school stoner, and the next he’s wrapped around the psycho’s finger.

But part of Jared knows that Evan’s always had a crush on Connor. Jared doesn’t understand why. What did he have that Jared didn’t?

Um, class? Cheekbones? Style? And he’s probably better than you will ever be at-

“Evan wanted me to give this back to you.” he holds out Connor’s hoodie to him, “He doesn’t want it anymore.”

Connor looks down at the piece of clothing scanning it almost frantically like he’s searching for a star in the sky that’s no longer there, looking for an explanation, for Evan. 

Jared’s gut twists in guilt. He’s going too in far trying to keep them apart. Then again, don’t the ends justify the means?

“But he’s been wearing it all week,” he says, dumbfounded.

Jared shrugs.

Connor takes the hoodie slowly, “Did he...did he say anything?” he asks, grasping at straws.

“Nope”

“Okay,” he whispers after a moment.

He doesn’t wait for Jared to respond before stalking away.

 

For the most part, Jared avoids Evan for the rest of the day. They make short small talk every so often in the halls but Jared tries to make it seem like he’s not interested, so Evan does his best to stay away.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to be around Evan. He just doesn’t want to have to comfort Evan about the breakup. But it’s been days now. He’ll be fine now, right? He’ll be ready to move on from Connor with Jared.

So Jared shows up at Evan’s door after school that day. He’s going to tell Evan he likes him and ask him to date him. He can do this.

He puffs his chest up, trying to muster his confidence, before ringing the doorbell. It actually takes another few rings for Evan to answer the door. 

Jared knows how much he hates answering the door and it’s not like he texted before-hand to let Evan know he was coming over so he probably thought it was a Christian or a Mormon trying to convert him. They had a lot of those in their town.

So he tries not to give Evan a hard time about it when he opens the door, but who is he kidding? He can’t hold back a nasty comment to save his life.

Evan peeks his head out and relaxes when he sees it’s just Jared, “Oh, h-hi Jared, sorry, I didn’t know you were coming s-so I didn’t k-know it was you, s-sorry,”

Jared rolls his eyes and pushes the door open. Evan stumbles back as Jared makes his way into the house.

“Jesus, finally, I was waiting out there forever,” he walks into the living room, flopping onto the couch

Shut up, shut up! You know he has anxiety about that!

Evan follows him, tugging at the front of his shirt, “I-I k-know, I’m s-sorry,”

Evan stands next to the couch rigidly. Jared looks up at him, wondering why Evan’s so uncomfortable in his own home.

Because of you.

“Can I, can I, are you, do you w-want anything to d-drink? Or eat?” Evan asks as he stares at his feet

He’s wearing the same tight jeans he had on in school today but he had exchanged the long sleeved shirt for a baggy blue hoodie.

Jared remembers when Evan had gotten it. Jared’s mom had taken him and Evan to the beach last summer even though it was freezing that day. They were walking along the water, fully clothed and Jared had the sudden urge to push him in. Evan had fallen completely into the water, soaking all of his clothes so Jared felt awful and bought him the sweatshirt. Now, the blue was all faded which made it look even better.

“No…” he responds

Evan doesn’t move.

Now or never.

“...Ev, listen, I wanted to talk to you about something,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh sorry.  
> Evan is like, five seconds away from another break down and jared won't even acknowledge his first one cause he's got his own agenda. HE ISNT OKAY, JARED. Seriously, this isn't healthy.  
> we'll see how connor's doing more in the next chapter (not good)  
> thanks for reading! comment what you think or to just complain about one of the characters


	4. Where The Grass Is Greener

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So I'm back. I'm sorry for such a long wait. I've been busy with play rehearsal b/c my director is mean and made me the lead of both of them.
> 
> Warnings: This chapter does contain a bit of dub-con and making out but that's it. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“...Ev, listen, I wanted to talk to you about something,” Jared sighs.

 

Evan looks up at him nervously. Jared cringes at his wording.

 

“No, it’s nothing bad,” he assures

 

Evan still stays silent. He fidgets with the hoodie sleeves as he waits for Jared to continue. They’re so long that the cuffs go past his fingertips. 

 

He gets up and manhandles Evan to sit down on the couch next to him. Evan moves like putty underneath his hands. Jared blushes at the thought.

 

“D-Did, did I, did I do something w-wrong?” Evan asks quietly

 

“No! No, god no.”

 

Of course Evan’s mind jumped to that conclusion. He can’t delay this any longer or Evan’s going to freak out.

 

He takes a deep breath and runs his fingers over the worn, yet still soft, fabric of the couch.

 

“Well, I was just thinking,” Jared looks up at Evan.

 

The taller boy is staring at him, wide-eyed in anticipation.

 

“It’s been some time now since you and Connor...ended things,”

 

Evan ducks his head back down at his ex’s name and the reminder that came with it. 

 

_ Maybe he’s not ready- shut up he’s fine. _

 

Jared scoots closer to him and takes his hands. He can feel Evan trembling.

 

_ Bad idea. Back off, Kleinman. _

 

“I…” Jared has to fight his fears and force out the rest, “...really like you. Like, not just as a friend, but, I’m...I’m in love with you. I want to be with you.Connor doesn’t deserve you. I’ll never be unkind to you. I’ll treat you so well.”

 

Evan tenses up and pulls away from him. His gaze is focused instensley on his lap as his brows knit together.

 

“Evan?” Jared asks after a moment, “What’s wrong?”

 

“This is just...this is a lot right now,” he admits.

 

“No, of course,” Jared understands about his anxiety.

 

_ But I need you, Evan. _

 

He tries to push it a little more. “Maybe it would...can I…” Jared doesn’t wait for a response as he grabs Evan’s waist and pulls him into his lap.

 

This gets Evan to look up.

 

“J-Jared, what are you, um, what-”

 

He’s cut off by Jared smashing their lips together. Evan’s rigid against him.

 

“Just try to relax, okay? It’s just me.”

 

Evan pulls away but Jared stops him.

 

“Please?” he begs the shaking boy.

 

He leans in to kiss him again and this time, Evan kisses him back. It’s cautious, like he’s unsure around Jared. 

 

He tries not to cringe at the observation as he lays Evan down on the couch and drapes himself over him. Evan tenses again but Jared rubs a hand up and down his side to try to relax him more.

 

The taller boy starts to ease up a little and wraps his arms around Jared’s neck. Jared grips his waist tight with one hand and holds himself up with the other.

 

He lips travel down to Evan’s jaw and then his neck, sucking bruises on to his skin. He’s wanted to do this for so long now. 

 

Jared bites down and Evan yelps. He puts both hands on Jared’s chest and pushes him away.

 

_ You took it too far. _

 

“Ev, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” he stroked the bite mark but Evan shied away. “What are you so afraid of? It’s just me!”

 

Evan stared at him for a few moments. Jared could tell he was thinking, contemplating on what to do.

 

“Connor doesn’t love you anymore. Why not be with someone who does?”

 

This seems to have an effect on the other boy. 

 

“I…” He nods slowly, “O-Okay.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah,” he whispers.

 

Jared’s shocked it was this easy. Part of him was expecting Evan to resist this idea, to stay pinned on the little flame of hope that Connor would return. Sure, it was Evan who left him, but it was Connor’s fault and the psycho knew it. 

 

But Evan lets himself be molded by Jared. 

 

Jared leans back in, pressing his lips to Evan’s again. Evan kisses back, less timid now. Jared’s hands slip underneath his shirt and he runs his hands down his torso. God, he’d forgotten how small Evan really is.

 

Evan wraps his legs around Jared’s hips. Jared’s hands slid down until they reached Evan’s rear, using the angle to press Evan against him more. The other boy let out a soft noise, making Jared’s blood rush south.

 

Jared pulls away a little and smiles. “You like this, baby?” he asks.

  
Evan hesitates for a moment. It almost looks like he’s thinking. Why on earth does he have to think about this? He’s probably  _ ove _ rthinking it...as usual. Jared reassures himself with this thought. In any case, Evan ends up nodding, so everything’s totally fine. Jared’s not doing anything wrong.


End file.
